Tales from the Single Relationship Expert: Does your profession affect your dating life?

When you’re on a date and the infamous question comes up “So what do you do for a living?” do you announce it proudly or do you feel the need to take a deep breath and maybe even clam up. Imagine being hesitant when it’s time to share your occupation for fear of the reaction you will get from your date. A while back I shared with you all about the time I went speed dating with my Sis. We went in with no expectations other than to have a great time. We certainly did that, but what we found super interesting was that although we were technically meeting the same guys, they presented themselves quite differently to us.

My sis is stunningly beautiful, articulate, charming and one kick ass cardiologist. Needless to say she worked her ass off to get where she is and should be super excited to shout it from the roof tops. Hell I do it for her I’m so proud. Oddly enough it is not something she chooses to lead with when engaging with a potential beau. I wouldn’t believe it until I witnessed it first-hand.

Now let me paint the picture for speed dating. The ladies stay seated and the guys rotated. We were all in close proximity so sometimes it turned into a group date, especially since you had to take a shot together before each 5 minute date and the tables were very close together. So the dates begin and this guy asks what I did and I shared I was author and he shared that he was in the hotel business. We talked about books, travel, fine dining, all while sharing laughs and really just enjoying our time. The bell goes off and he switches to my sis. He finds out she’s a cardiologist and starts talking politics and Obama care and my sis grew weary. I couldn’t believe it was the same guy.

It made me think. How important are professions in the world of dating? I always say I can appreciate a man who is ambitious and working toward a goal. Could I really enjoy dating a guy who was happy flipping burgers at McDonalds over the age of 30? I’m not about to lie to you and say “Of course if he loves it.” Hell no! Now if he’s working there to learn the ins and outs because he’s getting ready to own one that’s a totally different kind of hustle and I respect it. If you’re just lazy we have nothing in common.

I’ve dated enough financially unstable men to say if I ever dated someone who made way less than me again there would be some disclosures. He must able to provide for himself and love what he does or at the very least have the perspective that his job is funding his dream until it takes off. He must actively be working toward his goal if he hasn’t reached it already not just talking about it. Last but not least he must know how to budget. Dating someone with no money and not effort to do better frustrated me. I hated always doing mediocre shit because he decided to settle for less in life. I said what I said.

There is nothing wrong with a woman being the financial provider. Some believe that if their s/o provides in other ways like, emotionally, spiritually, physically they can cover the funds. It’s not about what society thinks it’s about what works for you in your relationship and your home. Maybe the s/o that lacks finances is pursuing entrepreneurship or maybe they take care of the kids and the household or maybe they just enjoy living off the lay of the land. If this works for you so be it. Maybe I could feel the same if I had the income to support a small village and not feel a dent in my pocket. Until then everybody must grind.

Is it wrong to want to date someone whose hustle matches yours? Is it a crime to want to date someone who makes more than you? When did that become something that is frowned upon? I never want to be the smartest person in the room. Teach me the smart financial ways oh guru or let’s learn together. Yes there are gold diggers who just want to spend your funds, but we aren’t talking about them. We are talking about people who can afford to take care of themselves and want a partner they can build with. I was listening to a podcast and a guy said he married his wife when he had nothing. When asked if he would marry now that he has the money he does, he said no as if to say a woman who didn’t go through the struggle with you is not capable of being a wife. Hello is this thing on. What a load of bullshit. You ever think maybe you’ll meet your soul mate when you level up to where you’re supposed to be? Miss me with the struggle love.

Not every situation is a Tyler Perry movie. The broke person in the struggle you gave a chance to doesn’t always land the 8 figure deal or come up on an inheritance. Some just don’t grasp the concept of hard work and drive. That’s reality. When dating, be honest with the person and more importantly honest with yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable dating someone whose finances are worrisome...Don’t. Stop letting people tell you you’re missing out. If financial stability is important to you then the person you date should have that or be actively willing to learn.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to date someone successful. Gender roles are non-existent for some and that is totally fine. I say all this to say a person’s profession does not define their character. We should be genuine and kind no matter how much money we make. A person should not feel inferior because of what they chose to do for a living. You shouldn’t have to hide what you do for fear you would intimidate a potential mate. Every pot has a lid and you don’t have to settle or pretend to be something that you’re not out of fear of loneliness or rejection. That is no way to live. Make good choices.

Happy Dating!

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