Tales from the Single Relationship Expert: Dating when your Biological Clock is Loud AF.
Dating when your Biological Clock is Loud AF!
So, when I was a little girl I dreamed about being a high-powered lawyer with a loving doctor husband, 3 kids, a huge mansion and a Lamborghini. A Claire Huxtable 2.0 if you will. Not once did I ever doubt that everyone would fit in this Lamborghini by the way. As I got older I added an SUV for the family and changed my career to psychologist. The wife and mother combo never really changed. Well here’s a plot twist for ya. Never in a million years would I think I would be divorced/annulled with no kids, an Event Planner, no Lamborghini yet, but at least I narrowed down the color, a Published Author, Public Speaker, Dating Coach and Podcaster. Talk about people plan and God laughs. He slapped his knee a few times laughing at that one.
It’s always an awkward moment when you're surrounded by people who have what you thought you wanted and they tell you how lucky you are to be in the situation that you’re in. So very opposite of theirs. It’s more awkward when they “feel bad” for you thinking you're alone crying instead of alone dancing, finishing a bottle of wine, and traveling all while building a kick ass brand. Just saying! Sometimes I “feel bad” for the ones who aren’t genuinely happy, but pretend to be because society says their “situation” must equal happiness.
As a woman of a certain age...late thirties FYI you have to start analyzing the direction your life is taking. More specifically what role you want your ovaries to play in this next phase of your life. They are either with you or against you.
I’m not going to say having children is heavily on my mind the way it used to be when I was younger or married for that matter. In fact, most days it’s not on my mind at all. Like when I’m brunching, traveling, randomly deciding to get up and go or just enjoying the peace of my solitude. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a ton of kids in my family I can be around who enjoy spending time with me. I absolutely adore my nephew and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him. I’m not going to lie. I love our quality time. However, the fact that I can call my brother and say “hey come get your kid I’m tired” is quite satisfying.
The dating game at this stage is interesting. Very seldom do I meet men my age or older who don’t have any kids. I usually meet the ones who have “grown” children and don’t want any more or they have small children and not looking to add to the litter. I get it!
I do think about the younger men that I meet. The early thirties ones who are entrepreneurs, love what they do for a living and don’t feel pressure to be in a relationship because it may be a distraction to what they are trying to accomplish. We vibe on a different level, a creative level and certainly have a level of understanding. Building together sounds wonderful, but I hardly doubt they are thinking about my ovaries when we are laughing, sharing business ideas and clinking glasses. Hell, I’m not even thinking about them. I definitely enjoy the journey.
The reality is this is a time sensitive chapter in my life. Yes, I look young and yes I know all these famous people are having their first kid well into their 40’s. I just don’t know if that is something I want to do. I’m not trying to pressure anyone into baby making with me. I’ve waited this long. I am not trying to be tied with a lame for the rest of my life just because my clock is ticking. My worst fear is to show up pregnant and the first words after a look of joyful confusion is “who’s the father.” I will not be treated like a Maury guest. Not on my watch. The man I’m supposed to be with will be fine with or without children. Either way we will be happy and live a life of abundance extremely satisfied.