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Tales from the Single Relationship Expert: To hell with Mr. Nice Guy.

No more Dating Mr. "Nice Guys"

“But he’s so nice.” How many times have you heard that before? This sentence is often used to try to redeem a man who has done something wrong, weird or just plain dumb. Speaking from experience I’ve dated too many “nice guys.” Word to the wise any guy who tells you how nice he is…probably isn’t. Genuine people don’t have to tell you what they are, you can just see it. Their personality reveals what adjectives fit them. I think today manipulators have coined the phrase and have mistreated it so much that now you have to figure out if you’re dealing with a “nice guy” or authentic good man. Let’s get into it.

Appearing nice and actually being nice are two totally different things. Appearing nice gets you support on the outside. Temporary support lets’ say, because people want to believe in the good of a person and since they’re “so nice” how could they possibly be bad right? A lot of these manipulators are lazy, lack ambition, posers, play victim, skate through life doing the bare minimum, are often jealous of others and my favorite have some weird relationship with a parent like their mother in particular. There’s always some deep psycho analyzing that can be done to explain why they want to be liked so bad.

Nice guys are usually associated with being quiet, shy, charming, but not a charmer, indecisive AF and lack confidence. You see a nice guy can’t really explain why this particular women might like them because they’re so busy trying to be liked, they don’t know who they really are as a person. That’s when manipulation rears its ugly head. His lack of confidence will have him being overly “nice” to friends and family hoping to gain allies. This way when he does something not so nice, it’s harder to believe that he would do something like that and the chances for forgiveness are higher because he didn’t mean it or my favorite he didn’t know any better.

Let’s talk about the “Authentic Good Man.” This man is genuine and does everything from the heart. He knows who he is and is comfortable in his own skin. After all he knows he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but he damn sure is someone’s smooth shot of vodka. His similarities to a nice guy are that is reserved and charming. He’s not in these streets trying to talk to any women with a pulse. It’s not always easy to approach a woman (that’s the next blog lol). So he is very selective because, let’s face it rejection sucks. The fear of rejection often leaves this man in a friend zone even though he knows how wonderful he could treat you. Ladies before you complain about there not being any men out here… check that friend zone.

I say all this to say. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone who treats you amazingly and is loved by all of your friends and family? The trick is to find out if this person functions as well on the inside as they do on the outside. This takes time. I know we all want a zing, a spark, to feel butterflies, but sometimes those phrases can describe lust and anxiety. This could very well cloud your judgment. You may think you’re having these profound conversations and then months down the line you discover that’s all he is…talk. His follow through is weak and his actions are non-existent but, he’s so nice. You’re short changing yourself. Don’t count the man out that brings out your smile, makes you think different (in a positive way), listens to your stories and actually hears what you’re saying. He can hold conversations on many topics, has a solid foundation, he's confident not cocky and has a great sense of humor. He’s your true nice guy... the kind authentic good man.

It’s a lot I know. Dating is not easy especially when you are dating with purpose. You have to learn to relax because making impulse decisions when it comes to finding love can really take a toll on you. Steady pace wins the race. Remember, all Kind Authentic Good men are nice guys but, not all “Nice Guys” are kind authentic good men.

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