Tales from the Single Relationship Expert: Gaslighting? What in the Struggle love is going on...No T
Gaslighting? What in the struggle love is going on…No Thank You!!
“Struggles are required in order to survive in life, because in order to stand up, you have to know what falling down is like.” Who doesn’t enjoy a quote like this when you feel like life is just being plain mean to you? When nothing seems to be going right for me, I love a good motivational quote to make me feel better. Hell, if the struggle is too real after I have prayed on it, I might even look up my horoscope. Mercury has to be in retrograde right? I don’t even know what that means, but it’s something to blame the wackiness and discomfort on in the moment and I’ll take it.
I’ve learned that life can be very unpredictable, but it’s not about the constant curve balls life throws at you, it’s about how you react to them. If you’re anything like me your life is full of compartments like career, friends, family and love. If you’re really like me you’re winning in most compartments just not all at the same time. Winning in 3 out of the 4 is usually my odds. I’d like to think it’s all about balance ya know?
The love compartment can be tricky and easily affected. I know when things are going really great in my career my love life is on life support. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not out here saying I don’t have time for love. Not true at all. I don’t have time for insecure men who think it’s impossible for me to have my level of happiness without them. MmmHmmm That part!
This is where manipulation rears its ugly head. A person who loves love and enters relationships with an open heart, should know that your light is attractive and basically a magnet. The key is to be able to spot when you have attracted something good like yassss love me up vs. something bad like toxic damaged people who want to use your light to illuminate their darkness all the while sucking you dry and offering nothing to you in return. Too much?
If you find yourself saying things like “something doesn’t feel right” or my personal favorite “Oh hell no, not today Satan” then you have encountered bad vibes. Energy is transferable this is why it’s so important to be surrounded by like-minded positive people, who have an overflow of love and light to give. There’s no draining there. So when you find yourself constantly bickering with someone, or they start to make you feel bad about being you…Houston we have a problem. We talked about narcissist before. They find sneaky ways to blame you for their unhappiness. Are you constantly apologizing for who are and what you do? Asking yourself if you’re being too sensitive, feeling like you can’t do anything right or withholding information from your friends and family so you don’t have to explain your partner’s unpleasant behavior?” These are all examples of Gaslighting. A form of emotional abuse that plants seeds of doubt making you question your perception or sanity. Didn’t know it had a name? Trust me when I learned about it I was like what that sneaky son of a….sorry eh em.
So the next question I thought about was, are they aware they are doing this to you? Maybe yes maybe no, but it’s your responsibility to figure this out. It is your responsibility however to make a choice. Staying in a toxic relationship because, hey you have to take the bad with the good or if you leave you are giving up on them and things are not always going to be easy and this is why you are failing in a certain part of your life because you don’t know how to stick things out and any other bullsh*t they feed you to get you to stick around will hurt you in the long run. That’s why I say “Struggle Love...No thank you!
Love is a beautiful thing. It is not perfect in any way, but one thing I do know it will not leave you sad more than you are happy. It will not keep your self-esteem low and self doubt high. There will definitely be trying times every once in a while, but growing pains are a part of life. Those moments don’t last forever and you come out better not worse. It is not your job to fix people. Why put that kind of pressure on yourself and shame on the ones who try to put that kind of pressure on you. It is not your fault they are damaged. Of course you can offer help, but when it leaves you broken in the process and they have no intention to help you repair because you have provided what they needed, that’s a problem. If it doesn’t feel right, that’s because it’s not. Stop torturing yourself because I guarantee once you’re gone one of two things will happen. They will grow up and change their ways or they will move on to their next “victim” but either way you are free to glow and shine and never put yourself through that again.
Cheers to love and light!