Tales from the Single Relationship Expert: Relationship Closure
Closure means finality; a letting go of what once was. While I do believe that closure is necessary; I don’t believe it is owed to you by anyone other than yourself. Why give someone else the power to control the placement of the final puzzle piece that determines exactly when you see the picture? Well I’m here to tell you, you’ve had the power all along dear Dorothy. Let’s click our stilettos shall we.
We can always tell when a relationship is going sour. No matter how many times we try to ignore the signs. When you hear the words “We need to talk” it can mean a few things. They can really just want to talk which would be weird to announce like that. More often it is either a warning or let’s call it a chance to fix what’s broken, perhaps replenish what’s depleted or it is the grand opening to the grand closing.
For the relationships that have ended despite the “warnings” and constant efforts to find resolutions to preserve the union, what‘s the shock value about? Why is the “dumpee” surprised they got dumped? Is it arrogance, like who would ever leave them? Can they honestly say they gave 100% effort in the relationship? How could they have possibly been blindsided? So, they begin to demand closure, this one last attempt in my eyes to get yet another chance or redeem themselves.
Speaking from experience I always give that final recap of why it’s ending. Although I am brief with my explanation, because I’m done repeating myself, I never want to break anyone’s spirit. I don’t do it because I think I owe it to them. I do it because I want them to go away. Perhaps I am too nice in my delivery, but like I said I’m not out here trying to destroy self-esteem. Most are smart and stay away, but there are always a few who try to reach out regardless of how much time has passed. Tuh the nerve, so sorry to disappoint, but you don’t get another chance to waste my time. You’ve done enough. God bless the person who invented the block feature.
Now for those relationships that do end abruptly without any type of warning that sucks. I won’t say I would never do that. I have ghosted a few times in my life and have no regrets. What I will say is becoming angry or constantly agonizing over what went wrong or what you may have done wrong is a waste of time. When God removes people from your life, it is because they have done what they needed to for you and vice versa.
I hear time and time again “I just want to know what I did wrong for when I date someone new.” Say you did get this “closure” after finding ways to meet up again to get that shirt or picture frame or “special” bobby pin you needed so desperately. What if the person said they hated your laugh or the way you chewed your food or that they just didn’t like you anymore? What then? Are you going to change your laugh in the next relationship, chew different, and try to be a different person all together?
I believe every pot has a lid and I’m thinking this lid may not have been a snug as you thought. Just because someone doesn’t see your worth doesn’t mean your value decreases. You are in charge of your happiness and other people’s opinions of you, is none of your business. If you are looking to get the last word or make your final statement to someone who has dumped you… sorry to say they’re not interested. Write it out, type up an email, hell send a pigeon if you want, but don’t await a response.
Your healing will begin when you let go of what should have could have would have been and accept what is. What is, the reality is, that someone is going to love your quirks, the way you chew and will do whatever it takes to hear your laugh over and over again. So be the first one to love you that way. I mean let’s face it, your self-doubt needs closure.
Comment Below! Do you need closure?